The Answer is: Patience
The question, Mr. Trebek, is “Something I don’t have.”
I realize that it is a character flaw, not to have patience. I realize it is probably something I should work on. However, of all the things I should work on improving, patience is pretty far down on the list. I feel that I should learn to deal with ambiguity first. If I could deal with ambiguity, maybe having patience would be easier.
Ambiguity and I, we are not friends. I spend a lot of time attempting to come to terms with the fact that in life, there are very few things that are cut and dried. The only thing that springs to mind is dried fruit. When it comes to other people in your life, expecting simple and obvious is like expecting snow fall in Death Valley. I know all this. I understand that people are complex and contradictory. I have first hand knowledge of these qualities and how they manifest themselves. And yet, I still go about blithely expecting the logical thing to be what happens, simplicity to be a the norm, and randomness to be confined to my conversations. Of course, my expectations and what happens in reality are two entirely different things. My expectations are totally irrational and lack any sort of logic, despite my heavy reliance on it. It’s as if my brain sees the contradictions and assumes that everyone else is aware of them as well and have adjusted accordingly, thus maintaining all things logical. I’m some sort of defective Mr. Spock. I can’t even do the Vulcan nerve pinch. Life is full of disappointments.
Without patience and an ability to cope with ambiguity, I have developed ways of avoiding them. Be honest, selective of company, ask questions, exercise whatever patience you might have (I do not completely lack patience. That would be really inconvenient.) and dealing with ambiguity is slightly easier. For the most part, even though I don’t particularly want to, I can wait for things. Christmas, my birthday, a piece of finished knitting, food- these are all things that I have successfully waited for. Add excitement into the mix and that is when exercising patience becomes virtually impossible for me. There are several situations in my life right now that require patience AND are fraught with excitement and potential. The result? I’m a bit distracted and very easy to excite . These are situations that I have a lot invested in and really, REALLY want. Unfortunately, I am not in control of the outcomes. The outcomes will be determined by other people, that complex and contradictory species. Fuck.
In light of this reality, I am making a request of the universe. Universe, if you could provide resolutions to the as yet unresolved situations, I would really appreciate it. If you can’t do that, can I at least have the ability to do the Vulcan nerve pinch?
P.S.- Would it be possible for my blog to formatted in a consistent manner? The random, inexplicable, and inconsistent formatting is annoying.