Ich liebe dich. Je t’aime. I love you.

by theobfuscatedone

Of all the things I do on a daily basis, saying I love you and demonstrating my love are my favorites.  Yes, I find most people abhorrent and worthy of nothing more than my boot swung forcefully into some part of their body.  Yes, I regularly express my preference for dead people over live ones.  Yes, I have an ever-growing store of very creative and inventive death threats.  However, there are a lucky few, those who are treated to my death threats only in jest or who get professions of love instead, who exist and sustain me.  The list includes, but is not limited to: my family, friends, people who give me candy, and people who shower me with terms of endearments or pet names.  Without these precious few, I would either be facing a lifetime prison sentence for mass homicide or the planet would have a sudden dearth of people.

The phrase “I love you” is a multi-tasker (the life equivalent of Alton Brown’s kitchen-utensils-must-be-multi-taskers mandate.)  It can mean “I love you as a horizontal mambo partner”, “I love you as a dear friend”, “I love you as an intellectual equal”, “I love you as my own personal reality check”, etc., etc.  As much as having a boundless vocabulary enriches my life, the words “I love you” are easily the most important ones I can utter.  They are also my favorites.

My only gripe with “I love you” is it’s unvarying formula.  You can add various superlatives- “I love you more than life itself”, “I love you more than chocolate”, “I love you as much as oxygen”, etc. but the basic meaning never changes.  It’s perfect in it’s simplicity and lacks variety because of the same.  You can only say “I love you” so many times before it’s meaning gets diluted.  What’s a girl to do?  My personal modus operandi is death threats delivered with love.  You can get wildly creative with death threats and the more graphic and horrific the death threat the more you love the receiver of the threat.

Regardless of whether you are a traditionalist and stick with wearing out “I love you”, like to spice expressions of love up with well researched and impeccably delivered death threats, prefer to utilize foreign languages for delivery, or choose to physically demonstrate your love rather than verbalize it- expressing love is good for you and good for the recipient.  Loving few or many, much or little, freely or miserly is a welcome change from the daily monotony that is sincerely hating people.

Love yourself, love your friends, love your family, love your pets, love, love, love.  Because I love you all (it’s easy to say that when I don’t know most of you), a gift from me, passed on from my mother:


My gateway orange tabby, now my mother's devoted annoyance and love muffin. Rescuing/adopting orange tabbies is one of my better life choices.