Yesterday was rough. Today has been better but it took it’s time getting there. I got new glasses and I went to yoga with a new(ish) friend. About 20 minutes into the class all I could hear myself say was “Stop.” Finally, I did. I stopped following the instructor and just sat. On one of her passes the instructor patted me gently on the back and I just sat for the rest of class. I gave myself permission to stop. I was allowed to stop worrying about all the things I have to do, I was allowed to stop being anxious about how I feel living here, I was allowed to just stop and be. It was nice.
Now that I am home I am still in the “stop.” mindset. I am allowing myself freedom from the anxiety that I have been living with 24/7. For the first time in a long time I feel calm and content. Yes, I have things to do but they will get done. I will get them done but I don’t have to constantly remind myself of them. I also realized that just because the majority of the population in the area are cold and disconnected doesn’t mean I have to be. I can be the demonstrative, loving, and engaged person I am. I have neglected to tell someone that I love them and I rectified that. It’s a start and it feels right and good.
I’m excited to crawl into my warm bed, cuddle with short bus kitty, and sleep. I’m looking forward to tomorrow and a Skype date with a friend. Whatever else tomorrow brings I’m going to cultivate my contentedness and remember that I can stop and the world won’t end.